I feel alone. I hate even writing that sentence. It’s true, though. There are times I don’t feel like I have anywhere to turn when I need to talk. I have tried to be a good friend to people but I don’t feel like I have that. I don’t know why. I wish I did. I hate knowing that. I don’t really know what I did wrong. I have things I wish I could confide in certain people I feel could be close friends but I don’t know if that’s what they want from our relationship. A casual friendship might be all they want. I’ve had what I thought were close friends and those friends have vanished. I’m lost. I’m alone. My heart hurts for so many reasons. It aches to be able to open up and share. I long to reach out and have someone do the same. I see so many friends have such closeness and I’m jealous. I’m not sure I’ll ever have that. I hope I will. I thought a few times I did. Anyone reading this thinking “I have a friend like that”, know how lucky you are and make sure to tell that buddy how special they are, okay? You don’t realize how rare or coveted that treasure you have is to someone like me.
Alone
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Aw choogar… I could’ve written this myself. IRL, I have no BoB’s to count on. Certainly no one I trust. I haven’t been the best internet friend b/c my brain is broken (which I *detest* being scattered). So I’m sorry for that. Right now? If you need me? You jerk me by the hair and say so. You hear? I’m here. I promise. <3 u
Thanks, Lesley. That means a lot. Don’t dare apologize for being scattered right now. I know you have a lot on your plate. I understand and wish I could help take some stress off you. I’m here anytime you need anything as well.
HUGS!
You can always call me or dm me if you need to talk, love. xoxo
Thanks, Jenn! I appreciate that. I really do. XOXOXO
I know exactly how you feel. There are so many things that I wish I could share but dont. I have a few “close” friends, but I dont feel like I can tell them EVERYTHING. hugs hun.
Thank you, Jenni. I hate that you can identify. It’s a crappy feeling. I wish neither one of us knew how it felt. XOXO
Aw I’m so sorry. You can always talk to us Twitter girls. We’re a message away
xo
Thanks, Becks! XOXOXO
Wow. I could have written this myself. Truly. I’ve been feeling so much like this lately. All with real life friends who have seemingly disappeared since my life got complicated. Even after my Dad died, it’s like no-one wants to talk about it. It hurts for people like you and I, because we’re big hearted and feelers and the rest of the world seems obliviousl sometimes. I’ve just gone through a huge move and have been in crisis mode and not ONE, not ONE of my friends or neighbors helped in any way. I’m the one who is always there for everyone and I think that’s part of the problem, I always expect that everyone else will be the same.
I think some of my online friends like Cara, Jenn, Lu and others have been more understanding and supportive than any of my IRL friends have every been. Truly. And that makes me sad. It hurts because I know I’m a true and loyal friend and I wish I had the same sometimes. People these days are almost afraid of community. Of reaching out. I’ve never figured it out, but even my own family struggles with my openess and willingness to talk about things the way they are. It makes them uncomfortable or something. Just be yourself Ashlee. Those who are worth it will stay the course and the others are just losses that life brings to teach us who is worth it and who we need to let go. Sucks like hell, but I’ve learnt the past few years, when the chips are down, the real friends show their true colors and the ones who can’t, can’t. I have a few treasured friends and they are what i spend my energy on. Sometimes life gets int he way too. I know I haven’t been there for anyone lately because I’m too busy putting out my own fires all the time. But I am here. Please DM me your number and we can talk anytime. I am home most days for another two weeks – before I go back to work. I’ll listen. And not judge. Ever. Promise. Hugs xxxxx